Sensitivity Training
by Kynthia1
Summary: What if Angel had run into Spike while still under the influence of the 'Sensitivity Stick?
1. Default Chapter

The poof had gone mad. It was the only explanation. Too much time in California had rotted his brain.

Spike twisted, frantically struggling against the ropes that bound him securely to the chair. Giving up, he reflected on the bitter fate that had led to him, William The Bloody, terror of the innocent, tied up in his grandsire's home.

The day had started so promisingly. After losing the Ring of Amarra, Spike had planned to return to Sunnyhell, but, at the last minute decided to make one last attempt to recover his property. This had been a mistake. Sure, he'd managed to track down his poncey progenitor easily enough, but, instead of the nice, violent, battle he'd been looking forward to, Angel, (the big nance) had swept him into a bear hug and said: "William! I'm so glad to find you!" 

It was the shock, Spike thought grimly. That's why he had been captured so easily. Captured, trussed up like a chicken for sale in a Mexican market, then brought to this surprisingly comfortable apartment to await a fate worse than anything Spike had faced in his decades of unlife.

Torture, abuse, punishment, pain, all this Spike could withstand, but what Angel wanted was far worse; it was absolutely unendurable; Angel wanted to talk about their feelings.

Spike had naturally assumed it was a trick, a further refinement of Angelus's legendary cruelty, but no, it was real. His grandsire, the erstwhile Scourge of Europe had somehow morphed into this, there was no other description: New Age Sensitive Guy. Oh, the inhumanity of it all! 

Spike replayed the gruesome scene in his mind and flinched. After being deposited into an armchair, he had dropped into game face, snarled, and had said, "Untie me, you great poof. We'll fight for the ring."

Angel had shaken his head sadly. "Will, I'm so disappointed in you. Don't you realize that violence never solves anything."

"Violence doesn't solve anything? Since when!" Spike had shouted. "I'm going to rip your head off!"

Much to his surprise, Angel merely smiled beatifically and said: "Will, I'm sensing some hostility from you".

"You're bloody well right I'm hostile!" Spike had yelled. "You stole my ring! You slept with Drusilla! You turned into a sickening do-gooder, you great big poofter!"

Angel gave Spike another beatific smile, put his arm around Spike's shoulders and said, "Will, I know we had our differences in the past, but think of this as an opportunity for growth. Now give me a hug!"

Stunned speechless, Spike could only glower helplessly as his grandsire pulled him into another bonecrushing embrace. That had been bad enough, but it had only been the beginning. 

On and on it went, a never ending stream of platitudes, new age mysticism and touchy-feely hogwash. After an hour or so, Spike began to long for the good old days when Angelus would merely flay the skin off his back or splash holy water on him (that gag never got old). It was enough to make a soulless monster weep.

What was the poof blabbering about now, Spike thought, coming back to the present.

Angel gave Spike yet another goopy smile. "Will, we need to bond," he said. 

Spike shuddered. Much to his relief, the front door opened and Cordelia Chase walked into the room. 

Angel bounded over, grabbed her, and said, Who needs a hug?"

"Ew, ew ew!" Cordelia said, making a disgusted face as she pushed Angel away. "Angel, what's got into you? I thought you'd be back to normal by now." Spotting Spike she screeched: "What is that nasty thing doing here?"

"Cordelia! I'm shocked," Angel said. "Spike may be an evil, inhuman, soulless, bloodsucking monster, but he still has feelings."

Cordelia slumped against the wall. "Oh god, I don't believe this," she said. "I thought the effects of the stick were supposed to wear off after a day or so."

Ignoring her outburst, Angel said, "Cordelia, apologize to Will for your insensitive comments and judgmental attitude."

"What!" Cordelia said angrily. 

"Cordelia," Angel said firmly. "Okay," Cordelia said. Turning to Spike, she muttered "I'm really sorry for calling you a nasty, creepy, violent, bloodsucking fiend who should have been staked by Little Miss Perfect months ago."

Angel frowned. That apology didn't sound too sincere. Oh well, it was a start. He went back to Will and began to massage his helpless captive's neck, ignoring Spike's attempts to bite him.

Meanwhile, Cordelia surreptitiously pulled a cell phone out of her purse and punched autodial. Speaking in a low voice, she said, "It's me. You've got to come over here right away. Don't ask me why, just do it. All right, Angel's still acting all Mr. Sensitive Nice Guy. No, it hasn't worn off yet. Hurry."

Spike's vampire hearing picked up the other end of the phone call.

"You're on your own, Princess," Doyle said. "I'm not going anywhere near him while he's all touchy-feely."

"What!" Cordelia snapped. "You have to come right over here and de-sensitize him."

"Sorry, no can do. I've got an urgent matter that needs my immediate attention," Doyle said. Spike could hear the sound of a beer can being opened.

"Please, Doyle," Cordelia pleaded. "Don't leave me here with him."

"Oops, I'm sorry, you're breaking up," Doyle said, over what sounded suspiciously like rustling cellophane. "I can't hear you. Call me back later." The line went dead. 

A disgruntled Cordelia thrust the phone back into her purse. "Well, I'll just be going then," she said with false brightness. "See you whenever."

"Not so fast. No one is leaving here until we all settle our differences," Angel said sternly. "I don't care how long it takes. Don't forget, I'm immortal."

Spike blanched. Cordelia began to moan softly.

Sensing her distress, Angel's expression softened. "How about a nice cup of tea?" he asked. 

Cordy made a strangled sound. Taking that for assent, Angel headed towards the kitchen.

Taking advantage of Angel's absence, Spike caught Cordelia's eye. "Get me out of here," he mouthed at her.

"Take me with you," Cordelia mouthed back. 

Spike nodded. Cordelia stealthily untied the ropes; Spike swept Cordelia into his arms and leapt out the window.

Hearing the commotion, Angel ran back into the room. Seeing the open window, he sighed. It was a shame, but some people simply didn't want to be helped. 

If they weren't interested in personal growth, there were plenty of others who were, Angel mused. I'll bet those nice lawyers from Wolfram and Hart could use a hug, he thought, smiling brightly. 

The End. 


	2. Office Visit Sensitive New Age Angel vi...

The alarm went off. Holland Manners jumped to his feet. A wild vampire had penetrated Wolfram and Hart's security. Scanning the security monitor on his desk, he was surprised to see Angelus, The Scourge of Europe, stride purposefully down the corridors, almost as if he were seeking out a specific victim.

Intrigued, Holland contacted the head of Security and instructed him to allow the vampire free access to Wolfram and Hart's personnel. He watched as Angelus stalked through the halls until he reached Lindsey McDonald's office. 

Deciding to keep an eye on the proceedings, Holland switched views. Both Lee Mercer and Lilah Morgan were in the office, unfortunately for them, they had scheduled a meeting with Lindsey. Holland supposed he could warn them of the impending danger, but why? Lawyers were easy to come by.

Holland watched with pleasure as Angelus grabbed both Lee Mercer and Lilah Morgan and pulled them close. Oddly enough, there was no sign of Angelus's 'game face'. In fact, it looked almost as if Angelus was reassuring the two lawyers. Holland was briefly puzzled before he realized what was happening. Of course, Angelus is playing with his prey, taunting them, adding a level of psychological torment to the physical torture, he thought. 

Oblivious to the danger, Lindsey entered his office. Spotting the intruder, he tried to escape, but Angelus's vampire speed was more than a match for Lindsey's mere human reflexes. Angelus quickly captured Lindsey and gripped him in what appeared to be a painful stranglehold.

Holland nodded approvingly at the sight of Angelus crushing Lindsey. Angelus had turned dark ahead of schedule. It was a shame about the three lawyers, but you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, Holland thought as he watched Lindsey's frantic struggles. The Senior Partners would be pleased, which meant that, as head of Special Projects, he would receive a suitable reward.

Finally, the vampire finished tormenting his latest victim. Lindsey hit the ground, then jumped up, yelled something and tried to hit Angelus.

For a man just attacked by a vicious vampire, Lindsey seemed surprisingly unhurt. Holland frowned. Something wasn't right, he thought. He switched on the intercom in time to hear Angelus say: "Don't you feel better now, Lindsey?

Lindsey responded with a volley of curse words. 

Angelus smiled encouragingly, "There, there, let all that hostility out."

Lindsey continued to curse as he backed away from Angelus. Lilah cowered in the corner, while Lee Mercer attempted to hide under Lindsey's desk. 

Ignoring their reactions, Angelus beamed happily at his captives and said, "I think we've gotten off to a great start."

Holland watched in mounting horror as Angelus continued to lecture his unwilling audience with a pastiche of clichés, maudlin sentiment, and yes, a chorus of Kumbayah. By the time he finished singing, Lilah was sobbing, Lee was curled up in a fetal position on the floor, and Lindsey was rocking back and forth moaning, "I'm sorry, I'll never do anything bad again."

Mercifully, Angelus concluded his soliloquy, but not before one last nauseatingly saccharine remark, complete with air quotes, "Remember, you can be a rainbow or a painbow." 

Something was terribly wrong, but what? Then it hit him. The sensitivity stick! That's what was causing the vampire to act in such a revolting manner. It was the malign influence of that cursed stick. Apparently, the effects were permanent when it came to vampires.

"Now where's that nice boss of yours?" Angelus said. Lilah promptly gave him directions to Holland's office. Some dim corner of Holland's mind noted her disloyalty. No bonus for you this year, he thought vindictively.

He started to leave his office, but before he could reach the hall, Angelus appeared before him, grinned and said, "Someone looks like he needs a hug."

Holland froze. As Angelus advanced towards him with outstretched arms and a sappy smile, Holland's heart sank. The Seniors Partners were not going to be happy with him, not at all.

The End. 


	3. Road Trip

Angel exited the Wolfram and Hart building with a song in his heart and a spring in his step. He'd left the law firm a much happier place. His work in Los Angeles was now done; time to spread his unique brand of sunshine in another town. One thing puzzled him, what had Holland Manners meant when he said, "they'll make me eat my own liver?" 

Meanwhile, back in Sunnydale:

A car screeched to a stop in front of Rupert Giles's apartment. The passenger door burst open, and a disheveled Cordelia Chase leapt out and ran to the entryway. Hitting the intercom, she yelled, "Giles, let me in, it's an emergency."

Giles grabbed a battle-ax and ran to the window. Cordelia turned to the car, called out: "Thanks again, Evil Undead. You really saved my life."

To Giles's astonishment, Spike stuck his head out the car's window. "Ta luv, I'll just be off to my crypt," he said, giving Cordelia a cheery wave goodbye.

Giles, numb with shock, buzzed her in. Cordelia shoved past him, slammed the door, locked every lock, then promptly collapsed on the sofa. "You wouldn't believe the day I had," she said.

Concerned, Giles asked her if she had been injured.

"I'm fine. But I had a narrow escape," she said, shuddering at a horrific memory.

"What the devil happened? And why were you with Spike?" Giles demanded.

Ignoring Giles, Cordelia whipped a mirror out of her purse and grimaced at the sight. "If Mr. I Use More Hair Gel Than Angel would only get a car with air conditioning I wouldn't have spent the last two hours in a wind tunnel," she muttered as she combed out her tangled hair.

Giles surreptitiously glanced at her mirror to see if she still had a reflection. Yes, she was still human. Giles relaxed slightly. Time to get to the bottom of this. "Cordelia, I must know what has happened."

Cordelia continued to fuss with her hair. "Angel, he, well, he changed again, and not for the better," she said.

Giles, remembering the last time Angel turned evil, paled. "You, you don't mean, Angelus is back?" he said softly.

Cordy looked up from her compact. "No," she said. "It's worse."

"Worse!" Giles said, alarmed.

Cordelia shuddered delicately and continued her story. "He's gotten nice. I mean really nice. I mean super, mega, ultra nice. Sweet enough to give you diabetes nice."

Giles frowned. "Please explain," he said.

She started to fill Giles in on the events of the last few days. "It all started when Angel's friend Kate the Cop arrested this Mafia guy. . . . He touched the stick . . . It was really icky . . . Doyle and I . . . We thought it wore off . . . He had Spike tied up in the kitchen . . . No, he was being nice to him, that's when I knew something was wrong. . . and then that Irish rat hung up on me," Cordelia said indignantly. "Anyway, I untied Spike, we jumped out the window, and here I am."

Giles was at a loss for words for several minutes. Finally, he picked up the phone and called Buffy. "Buffy, a situation has arisen regarding Angel. . . No, he hasn't. . . . It's a bit complicated . . . Cordelia will fill you in . . .Yes, Xander too . . " Giles hung up the phone. Turning to Cordelia, he said, "They'll be here in a few minutes."

"Fine, whatever," Cordelia said, now engrossed with her makeup.

A short time later, Buffy and Xander arrived. Cordelia told her story once again, this time to a skeptical audience. 

"I don't believe you," Buffy said. "Angel's too strong to be affected by some magic twig like that."

Xander looked puzzled. "What's so bad about Angel acting nice?" he said. 

Cordelia rolled her eyes at him. "Hello! Haven't you been listening? I told you, Nice Angel is even scarier than Evil Angel."

Buffy remained unconvinced. Before she could speak, the sound of running footsteps and frantic pounding on the door filled the air. She ran to the window. "It's Spike, something's chasing him. It's, it's Angel!" she cried.

Cordelia promptly grabbed one a wooden stake and locked herself in the bathroom.

They watched the fight below. Spike was strong and cunning, but he was no match for Angel's skill and experience. Giles wondered briefly if they should intervene, but decided that it was best to let the two vampires fight it out.

Angel, having gotten the upper hand, began to tie Spike up. He lifted his head, grinned at them and said brightly, "Hi gang. Xander, buddy, long time, no see. Rupert, you're looking good, I've really missed you. Buffy, you're absolutely radiant - that new boyfriend of yours must be a positive influence on you, I can't wait to meet him." Three sets of jaws dropped.

"Cordy wasn't kidding," Xander said. "He really did have a personality transplant."

Spike was desperate. "Save me Giles, don't let the monster get me," he pleaded.

"Help you?" Giles said. "Why should I help you? You're still an evil, unclean thing."

"Rupert, as a fellow St. Ethelred's boy, I implore you!" Spike cried piteously. 

Giles paused. Had he heard Spike correctly? Did William The Bloody really claim to be a St. Ethelred's boy? The penny dropped. "He, he's William The Bloody!" Giles shouted. 

Meanwhile, Angel tossed Spike over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Don't worry about Spike. The two of us need some 'alone time' to settle our differences," Angel said happily. Spike howled in despair.

"We'll save you, William. Keep a stiff upper lip, man. Be British," Giles admonished as Angel carried Spike into the dark night. "He's William the Bloody," Giles said again.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Well, duh. You knew that," she said.

"No, I mean he's 'The William The Bloody'. Oh, I must share this," Giles said, cackling with glee as he whipped out his cell phone. "Roger, its me. No, Wesley hasn't made another cock up. I found out something I must share. Spike is William The Bloody. I know that. I mean he's our William The Bloody. Yes, as in 'Ode To A Spotted Dick'." 

Xander looked at Buffy, shook his head and muttered, "I don't wanna know." 

Giles hung up the telephone and said, "This changes everything. We must rescue him, Xander. I must honor the code of St. Ethelred." 

Xander was speechless.

Spike's crypt:

Trussed up with even more secure chains, all Spike could do was glare helplessly up at Angel. 

"Listening to this nasty music all the time, no wonder you have an anger management problem, Spike," Angel said, overflowing with sympathy and understanding. "I'll just play something nice," he said, putting a record on the turntable. Giving Spike yet another sickeningly sweet smile, he said, "Don't worry, I brought my record collection." Spike, remembering Angel's taste in music, shivered. 

The mellow sound of England Dan and John Ford Coley filled the crypt. Spike began to whimper.

Later that night:

Giles and Xander proceeded to Spike's erstwhile sanctuary, Giles armed with several stakes and a crossbow, Xander carrying a Super Soaker filled with holy water. Entering the crypt, they saw a pathetic sight. Spike was curled up in a fetal position; the only sounds enamating from the usual voluble vampire were soft moans. Despite himself, Giles felt a stab of pity.

"It appears as if Angelus has left," Giles said. "Good."

"What did Angel do to him?" Xander said, his voice quavering.

"I'm not sure," Giles said. "Remember, Angelus was an expert at torture. H'm, it's odd, I don't see a mark on Spike."

Xander gestured towards the record player. "What's that for?" he said.

Not for the first time, Giles felt old. "It's an artifact of the antediluvian age," he said. "We called them 'record players'. One used them to listen to music, real music, not that noise you lot torture your eardrums with for some inexplicable reason." "Yeah, I know what it is," Xander said peevishly. "My Grandmother used to have one. What I meant was, what is it doing here?"

Spike let out a loud whimper. 

Giles had an idea. "Perhaps this will give us a clue," he said as he went to inspect the records. He thumbed through the record collection with mounting horror. Barry Manilow, England Dan and John Ford Coley, Seals and Croft, Loggins and Messina, John Denver, it was all there. He picked up another album. "Dear lord!" he said, his face ashen. 

"What is it?" Xander said.

"Captain and Tenille! Muskrat Love! Even Spike didn't deserve that," Giles said. Xander's blood ran cold. 

Spike moaned, "No more, please, I'll do anything you want."

Giles turned his attention to the stricken vampire. "Come back to my place, Spike. We'll drink some tea, listen to some early Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, The Velvet Underground or perhaps King Crimson," Giles said cajolingly. "That will be nice, won't it?"

Spike nodded. "Yes, it would be nice," he said tremulously. Giles helped him to his feet and led him away. Xander followed.

Several days later:

After many playings of the Sex Pistols, The Ramones and the New York Dolls, Spike had begun to recover his composure, but still bore the marks of the torment Angel had put him through. 

Buffy, still freaked out by Angel's acceptance of her new lover, had gone off on a trip with Riley, leaving the Initiative to guard the hellmouth, while Cordelia was still staying with Giles. Cordelia had tried unsuccessfully to contact Doyle; his answering machine announced he was visiting his family in Ireland.

Cordelia stepped out of Giles's apartment building. I can't live the rest of my life in fear. Maybe I should look up Xander, go to the Bronze or something. I'm way too good looking to spend anymore time holed up in Giles's den of nerddom, she thought. Anyway, Angel hasn't been seen since Giles rescued Spike, so I'm safe.

She headed towards Xander's house, happy and confident. She spotted Xander who was several blocks away. Something in the shadows caught her eye. Her heart sank. It's him. He's back, and he's after Xander. Cordelia sped up, moving as fast as she could in heels.

Angel stalked his prey, creeping ever closer to the oblivious Xander. Cordelia took a deep breath. As she was about to shout a warning, she narrowed her eyes. Cheat on me with Little Miss Wicca will you? Cordelia thought angrily. For that, you deserve some quality time with Mr. Sensitive. She deliberately turned away. I think I'll go shopping, she thought. Have fun with Mr. Sensitive.

Meanwhile, Angel reached his victim, grabbed Xander in a chokehold, and said soothingly, "Xander my friend, it's time we had a heart to heart talk." 

Xander screamed.

The End. 


End file.
